My Hidden Pattern

Uncategorized Nov 18, 2019

“You don't have to fix it.”


This is the message that came through loud and clear for me a couple of weeks ago while in a breathwork session with my friend and talented energy healer Erin. This is significant because I have never so clearly received a message. And even this wasn’t so clear...


I have a hard time determining when things ‘come through’ if they are coming from my mind, source, higher self, all of the above. But this message kept repeating. 


Limiting beliefs are a funny thing. We all have them, but they are HIDDEN… obviously or we would do something about them. 


For example, I KNOW one of my limiting beliefs is that you have to work hard to make money so I have written out examples where that isn’t the case, experienced making money easily, made mantras about it and am actively working to rewire that belief.


But when we don’t freaking know what the belief is, if it’s so buried we can’t see it. We can’t ‘fix’ them. 


So I am laying there at the end of our session and this message keeps repeating in my head over and over. Erin asks me if anything came up for me, and I share. 


She asks me what my secondary gain is from fixing things. Meaning, when I fix something, how do I feel, what do I get? 


Satisfied is the first thing that pops into my mind. Like I’ve accomplished something, that I am good and right. 


Well the way the subconscious mind works is that it is going to keep putting me in situations where I have to FIX things in order to get that hit of satisfaction, it’s the path of least resistance and a pattern running on autopilot. 


So what would it look like if I already filled my life with things that satisfy me that didn’t involve fixing anything? 


I honestly at this point can’t even picture that reality, which shows just how deeply conditioned this pattern is within me. That I had NO. IDEA. EVEN. EXISTED. 


My first question to Erin after discovering this pattern was ‘how do I fix it!?’ I was literally asking how to fix the fixing… 


My open emotional center in human design (solar plexus) takes in everyone else's emotions and wants everyone to feel okay, as a part of the conditioned self. The not self theme of this center is avoiding confrontation and truth. So if I ‘fix’ everything, if I make everyone okay then I eliminate the need for confrontation.


If I was spending time cultivating things that bring me joy, satisfaction and pride daily on a conscious level my subconscious wouldn’t have the need to put me in situations that I have to ‘fix’, my open emotional center would see people’s feelings as their own and not belonging to me.


A few days after this breath work session during the full moon in one of my coaches (Jackie's)  community we talked about what we wanted to release into the full moon. I brought up this pattern of ‘fixing’ and it felt like a part of me was dying when I said I released the need to fix. 


My mind immediately went to excuse making mode on why I needed to fix things, why I couldn’t rely on others and I couldn’t think of one thing I could release control over.


Even something as simple as the suggested, ‘let your fiance choose what you guys are having for dinner’ brought up resistance. 


He’s in season (soccer coach), he works such long days the last thing I want to do is ask him to think of what we are having for dinner. 

Maybe I’ll release control of this one in December, when season is over. 


If you’re wondering how this plays out in my business, let me tell you. When I am coaching my clients and they ‘get it’, have a breakthrough, make progress that brings me extreme satisfaction and pride.


BUT, is this coming from a place of trying to fill up my own satisfaction cup? What would it look like if my clients wins and my satisfaction in helping them came in addition to all the personal satisfaction I was cultivating on a regular basis. 

There would be no need to fix. I would be coaching out of my overflow.


This new level of awareness has found me saying ‘I don’t need to fix that’ and looking for ways to consciously cultivate satisfaction without needing to fix.


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